Wackish News/All cars illegal
December 27, 2014 Hey everybody! Welcome to another Wackish News story! So today we're talking about Lindsey Venetia, who was driving on the highway, chatting with friends, when she noticed something weird about the area around her. There were no cars. She was pulled over by the police (who were riding legal bikes instead) and she and her friends were told to step out of the car and stop talking about stupid stuff no one cares about. I think they were talking about the upcoming Sock and Lightbulb Festival in nearby Fishmanville, which had a record 24 people coming. Apparently, she has missed the recent news broadcast warning people to throw away their cars, because the local Wackish City Police Department (WCPD) realized that cars are way too dangerous to have on the road. They provided irrefutable-ish evidence to the mayor, Matt11111. It read: #First of all, 100% of car accidents occur in cars. #No one can really drive them these days. #And the ones who do don't know what they're doing #37% of licenses come from cereal boxes. #3 people died from car accidents, compared to 0.314159 in bus accidents. (We think that might be because the bus was full of pi-uplet siblings or something, and the stupid committee decided to count them as one person when 31%ish of them died) #Basically everyone who's still breathing has a 49% chance of being hit by a car these days. #Buses and trains are all the rage these days. #Also, 62% of licenses are given by criminals on a getaway from the police. Welp, that was good evidence to illegalize cars, right? THE MAYOR AGREED. He had the entire city vote, and they voted against illegalizing cars by an overwhelming vote of 7,182,391 to 12. The only 12 people that voted for it were the mayor and 11 members of the WCPD. But then the mayor made a lame excuse that his vote was worth 7,500,000 votes, because he's awesome. More coming soo--THIS JUST IN! I tricked you all. I'm the mayor. I didn't really vote for illegalizing cars. Bring your cars back out of the trash (unless you brutally smashed them in frustration). And if you did smash them, well, the first 100,000 people to go the MattCar dealership will get a full refund of all the money you've ever spent on your car, from the gas money to the bucket of paint you used to make it look like a better shade of yellow. They have money machines in the dealership, so they'll give you the cash on the spot. (ring) Gotta take this call. Oh, hello Mr. President. No, I didn't say we have money making machines? What do you mean "Nice try, I'm kicking you out of office?" It was the car dealer's decision. I just gave them money from my own money making machine to do.... Ohhh, I'm in big trouble, aren't I? Oh, you have one too? Oh, okay then. You owe me lunch? Okay then. So there was I? Oh yeah, turns out no one threw their car out because their garbage can was too small. So now we don't have to worry about MattCar going out of business. Update: The WCPD will be getting back to convincing people to not drive cars. Category:Wackish News